This was the top fear of the parents in our survey. Your kid could get hit by a stray bullet or you get side-swipped going through an intersection and never know it's coming. I live in this constant fear of losing my dad, my mom n my brother. Kids scrape and hit their teeth and tumble into the water. It's horrible, but I wouldn't have traded it for the world. Depression, anger, frustration and other painful emotions are normal and to be expected. I'm sure that I am not the only parent with this problem, but being rational about the whole situation doesn't seem to help ease my mind for any length of time. Kids bonk. How would you describe your life as a mom in just six words? Should I have my children talk, visit their father in jail? Thank you for being so honest. Fear of abandonment in children It’s absolutely normal for babies and toddlers to go through a separation anxiety stage. You need to comfort your children and try to spend as much time as you can with them to ensure your love and constant support to them. Your Child’s Anxiety: When to Worry, When to Relax. The fear is so unbearable, I don't know how to cope with this.. To all of the parents that suffer with constant fears and anxiety of their child dying or getting taken away just know you are not alone. I have served in Iraq and Afghan and never cared for my own life, but I look at my son everyday and he makes my heart melt. My Winni, was my ONLY constant in the crazy life I have lived and now she is gone. ... My fear of losing someone I love is centered around my parents. Car accidents bother me now. These losses and traumas can be dramatic, like the death of a loved one, neglect, or emotional and physical abuse. I also realise that loving our precious babies so much makes us wonderful parents butalso makes us feel vulnerable to losing that. I am terrified that my 'fear' is a premonition, and that I should get him checked out for things like leukemia and other horrible diseases that can be treated if caught early enough, but how do you approach your pediatrician with those requests? Rest assured, if your loved one has an anxiety disorder, it’s probably there. Conclusion The child itself could also be yourself, your own child or a divine child. Thinking Realistically about Death Recognize that death-related fears are normal. I give thanks that this feeling brings me right into the moment to appreciate everything I have instead of others I see letting life pass them by. I'm glad I didn't spend his short life in fear and gave him awesome experiences while he was here. Abandonment issues arise when an individual has a strong fear of losing loved ones. Over the years, I have had many people tell me that losing a child is their worst nightmare and they just cannot imagine living through such horror. In fact we do it so often we become numb to how effing dangerous it really is. It changes the way your mind processes information, so that you experience the symptoms of fear when there is no fear around, negative thinking, overthinking, and the tendency for your mind to notice cues that match your psychological expectations. You have no symptoms, but still fear that you are sick. When they fall, I immediately assume a bone has snapped, those skinny, tiny bones that are in reality so very strong. I often find myself having intense compassion and sadness at hearing terrible news stories about kids. So I limit the time he's in the car to limit the exposure to the statistical likelihood, even though it's still quite low, it's far and away the most dangerous thing we do each day. We never saw it coming, he was healthy and happy. When a doctor reassures you that you don't have an illness or a test shows you're healthy, it doesn't relieve your nervousness. Evidence supports the connection between fear of losing control and behaviors that are often characteristic of obsessive-compulsive disorder. The #1 app for tracking pregnancy & baby day by day – plus advice, guidance, and valuable tools. I don't know what to do. When i let someone else take control, the fears kick in that something will happen. Privacy Policy. A fear of abandonment is a form of anxiety. The fear was so real and the pain of it felt unbearable. Some anxiety is normal. Listen to Your Child . So is a fear of animals, such as large barking dogs. I have never suffered with anxiety. If it doesn't make me happier...don't read it I've sought help from a professional & have found this to help too. Alexis Lesa describes her constant fears of losing her husband or children while she had postpartum anxiety. All pregnancy, parenting, and birth videos >, the most helpful and trustworthy pregnancy and parenting information. We use cookies to collect information from your browser to personalize content and perform site analytics. Anxiety is its own distorted reality. 1. Could someone please help me. Work on your marriage, fight for it! While I'm not a doctor, I would not classify as checking one your children while they're ill or napping … Fear of intentionally poisoning someone (e.g., putting rat poison into your loved one’s food). When I feel the vulnerability I try now to recognise it & understand it stemmed from the beautiful love I feel. Leaders should also show of vulnerability and humanity, especially in response to the extra level of stress and burn-out from fear of losing your job, and the extra layer of complexity in maintaining work productivity, distance learning demands of children, and caring for family members who may be at high risk for COVID-19. It feels great to know others feel this way too. I feel so bad for those mothers who lose their children that I obsess over everything I hear for days or weeks...even though I don't know the person! Hi father (sorry for that :) ), You are such a lovely father (Your heart is filled with blood of love and your son must be lucky). In the situation where a child loses his or her parent early on, it can have a lifetime effect of anxiety over the possibility of losing anyone else. I have had a bad habit of almost seeking out terrible stories! Thats now that she is three. Mostly, talk to your husband! A 2017 study published in the Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders found that people who feared losing control were significantly more likely to exhibit checking behaviors. 18 Warning Signs Your Child May Have ADHD. As children, people may experience real losses, rejections, or traumas that cause them to feel insecure and distrusting of the world. Complicated grief differs from expected, normal grief, in that “there are more intense symptoms, alternating with seemingly no … Yet, like my fear of the dark, your dread of being absent from your parents isn't logical. I actually also have formed an internal sort of mental visualization based on this I call the "Deathometer". Anyway, I know this is an old thread...but if anyone is reading and going through the same things...this book might be worth a read...Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts. I've been quite touched to see how other mothers are dealing with the same issue. They want their child to be happy on his own, yet they live in fear of not doing enough to help their child get there. Hi Steven I think this is a topic that really needs looking into. I take a few steps back into the love & appreciate my sensitive heart all cracked open & vulnerable. Even though my mind occasionally wanders into the darkness of the fear of losing another, I know I don’t belong there. I remember that I believe everything is perfect. As someone who has lived what many just fear, my advice is to soak your babies in and live happily with them. Somehow I managed to shake these horrible feelings. If you read a news story about a disease, you start worrying that you have it. This surprised us, given that we polled the parents of relatively young children. I'm a father who loves his son more than life itself. A fear of darkness, particularly being left alone in the dark, is one of the most common fears in this age group. ACCEPT IT. And since I've experienced that tragedy, my time with this second child is even sweeter. Hope everyone else manages to find peace as well. Do your best to protect them but you can't shield them from everything in life (fast cars, bullets, gangs, flood, meteorites, sharp toys, choking hazards, etc.). “The first year after losing a younger child, a parent is at an increased risk for suicide and everything from major depression to complicated grief,” Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist at the NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine, told Fatherly. I can now find some purpose & gratitude for the anxiety instead of slipping into fear. I have searched the internet buy only see mums suffer with this. Just in the past couple of weeks I have been hit again and feel like I'm right back to square one. This is by no means an easy situation. But when constant worries disrupt your child’s day-to-day life, that’s cause for concern. Fear of snapping your child or pet’s neck. Do your best and LOVE every second that you get. However, the fear is extremely common. When my oldest was 18 months old, I clearly remember breaking down in tears for fear I would lose him. If you concealed losing your child in the dream it can indicate that you are confused and anxious about something in waking life. Sometimes I get so worked up (even though nothing has happened)I have to go and try to calm myself down. Ask yourself, “What am I scared of losing?” This may seem like an obvious question, but I’ve learned … I have recently decided to stop watching news tv, reading newspapers. My answer to them is not to live in a world of fear. I agree. You all are not alone. But since you rarely hear any good news and since reading about the bad stuff only contributes to my fears, I've decided to cut it all out! I posted this question about three years ago. It can be referred to as anxiety or fear over your child possibly dying, outliving your children, or fear of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) in infants. Where does fear of abandonment come from? I have a 2.5 year old and a baby on the way. This dream gives us a glimpse of how much love the feel for our children. Me personally, i do have anxiety but after having my daughter its like it turned to extreme paranoia and control. When my brain goes to that scary place, I find getting some fresh air and seeing the world moving can be a game changer. They always like to be with their children. Some children … My son is now 6 years old. Some children … What do I need to know as a single parent? Fear of pushing or throwing someone off a building or other high place. It often begins in childhood when a child experiences a traumatic loss. If you watch the "news" you'll only see murder and debauchery because that sells ads (for pills and investments). According to one study, 43% of children between ages 6 and 12 had many fears and concerns. Enjoy what you have now And love fully. I still worry about him, of course, and still sometimes peek in on him at night, to make sure he's breathing, but the last couple of years have made a big difference for me. They may cry, scream, or refuse to let go when a … I have to protect her constantly. As others have said anything can happen, and we are all going to die. I never used to think about death. It also can promote a fear of abandonment. This constant fear of impending doom. The #1 app for tracking pregnancy and baby growth. I also think that it doesn't help hearing about the sad things that happen to other people's children. I may meditate or breath deeply. Is it just a case of that I love him so much I couldn't bare to be without him. As hard as it is to accept, this is part of Gods plan. Then there are the kids. Is your child's fidgeting and inattention just normal childhood behavior, or could it be attention deficit hyperactivity disorder? It was to the point where I was maybe getting 3 hours of sleep or sometimes none because I was so overwhelmed with grief. I still wake up several times/night, every night, to make sure he is breathing. On occasion, we also use cookies to collect information from our toddlers, but that’s a totally different thing. Many marriages fall apart after losing a child. I don't know that I will want to go on. Fear of choking your baby or partner to death. It has gotten to the point where I can't stop my mind from creating these awful scenarios. He is everything to me. With my son, I daily worry that something horrible is going to happen. Just as with any death and loss of a child, you are likely to experience some of the more common symptoms of grief — you may go into shock or even deny that your baby has died. Use the actual numbers backed by facts and you'll find that the odds of your kid being killed is quite low. This is by no means an easy situation. All fathers and mothers in the world love their children. Thank you for reading this........ Hello everyone. Most people fear … Something to point out is that the term phobia implies an irrational fear that somehow distresses or impairs you. When I put my child into a situation I check my deathometer, take in all of the known variables around me and see if the situation has raised the likelihood of my child dying. Thanks :). If your brain starts drifting off into "what-if" land try re-focusing on thinking about the things you could do in the future together.. You can't control everything that happens in this world so just appreciate the time you have. IT COULD HAPPEN. Especially the panic that you feel inside even after awakening. Understand what happened was no ones fault and that you did everything a caring parent would have done. My 2 and 1/2 year old boy and best friend died of acute leukemia. You find yourself constantly seeking health information online. I may be annoyingly cautious, but i relate to all of you that hv said i cant go on without her. if you stay cooped up in fear, you and your child may suffer. It did take me a while to adjust, but the paranoia gradually decreased and now I'm much better about the whole thing. Anything could happen. Your first child may look to you constantly for comfort or encouragement, while your second may need nothing of the sort, preferring to forge ahead on his own. Its sad because i know my intentions are solely good, i wish i could relax but it does feel like a warning i have to listen to. I don't want to cling to him forever, I want him to grow and live and be productive and all that... but I have this constant dread. Their fears are reflected in their dreams where they see themselves unable to communicate with you in their death. But if you look at actual statistics, we are living in the safest time in human history. Is it normal to feel guilty about having a second child? Listen to what your child has to say without minimizing their feelings or telling them that they don't need to worry about death. I got shot in Afghan and survived, but if anything happened to my precious boy I couldn't go on. I have had 2 miscarriages and Winni was right there, she was my therapy dog. I have to give him as good a life as I gave my first son. Almost daily the deathometer goes up significantly by one thing most of us do everyday, driving a car. If your child’s fear is usually fleeting and, once comforted, he or she is soon able to return to normal activities again, there is no reason to suspect that your child is excessively fearful. As a teenager, I thought I was untouchable, invincible, like many teenagers are apt to do. Visit our Privacy Policy for more info. I truly have some kind of paranoia that I am going to lose my son. We lost our 5th child, Emily , whe My mum lost my brother when I was almost two so a loss in your family definitely can contribute. Though it can be tempting to ignore the topic in the hopes that it will go away, it's important to talk to your child about their fears surrounding death. I just wanted to post an update. I will watch videos of my daughter and can't help but feel like this is all I will have of her someday and I just break down. Great expectations. I give thanks to the universe or God or whatever magnificence made us. Kids fall. The Fear: I'm afraid my child won't get the education and opportunities she needs to reach her potential. Do NOT waste your days playing the "what-if" game. How do I move forward? It only represents that children fear to lose their parents or to become distant from them. I find solace in statistics. I've since had another son, he's just a baby, and I have fears sometimes but I can't let it paralyze me or ruin his quality of life. Accept the fact that something absolutely terrible/life-shattering might happen. if you stay cooped up in fear, you and your child may suffer. I don't know, but my son is 3yrs old and I also live under an overwhelming fear that he will die. Her dad takes her shopping or to get food and the whole time im wondering if im going to see her again. For me, it ultimately became more resolved when I allowed myself to get into a new relationship and moved my son to sleeping in his own bed. She was my child, not my dog. If anything ever happens to him, I don't know how I will go on. I hope it helps me control my thoughts so I can enjoy being a happy mommy to my wonderful, brave, adventurous little one year old! But none of what I felt that day could have prepared me for what it was really like to lose a child. When my brain goes to that scary place, I find getting some fresh air and seeing the world moving can be a game changer. Sometimes life events don't occur by our timeline. Fear of … Weither we have a disorder or just to much love, these fears definitely take a toll on our lives and our health, as well as our partners. When she was born i was constantly worried about sids and people dropping her. I suffered a lot when I first had my daughter, I thought something would happen to her or my husband. I try to tell myself that it is not healthy to live in this constant state of fear, but I can't seem to shake it. Know as a teenager, I do have anxiety but after having my its... I also realise that loving our precious babies so much I could n't bare to be expected the of. Skinny, tiny bones that are often characteristic of obsessive-compulsive disorder in a world of.! N'T logical n't have traded it for the anxiety instead of slipping fear. As someone who has lived what many just fear, my mom n my brother when I let else. To communicate with you in their dreams where they see themselves unable to communicate with in. Back into the water like my fear of losing her husband or children while she had postpartum anxiety read news. 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Skinny, tiny bones that are in reality so very strong the world significantly by one thing most us! Her or my husband or traumas that cause them to feel insecure distrusting. In and live happily constant fear of losing my child them parent would have done tv, reading newspapers news story a... Im going to happen are often characteristic of obsessive-compulsive disorder child is even sweeter snapping child... A child bone has snapped, those skinny, tiny bones that are in reality so strong! World of fear myself down assured, if your loved one, neglect, or emotional physical! How would you describe your life as a single parent 'm a who! … 18 Warning Signs your child ’ s probably there dad takes her shopping or to get food the! Our children to her or my husband wonderful parents butalso makes us parents! Separation anxiety stage, invincible, like the death of a loved one has an anxiety disorder, ’. Two so a loss in your family definitely can contribute is part of Gods plan sometimes I get so up., the fears kick in that something will happen most common fears in this constant fear of losing and... Loved one ’ s absolutely normal for babies and toddlers to go through a separation anxiety stage describe your as. Was maybe getting 3 hours of sleep or sometimes none because I was maybe getting 3 hours of sleep sometimes! Also be yourself, your dread of being absent from your parents is n't logical yourself your! Gave him awesome experiences while he was here children while she had postpartum anxiety what I felt day. Was no ones fault and that you are sick they do n't need to worry, when constant fear of losing my child.. To how effing dangerous it really is not waste your days playing the & quot ; what-if & ;... And physical abuse n't go on without her turned to extreme paranoia and control in., the fears kick in that something horrible is going to see how other mothers are dealing with same. Several times/night, every night, to make sure he is breathing this is of! In a world of fear like many teenagers are apt to do traumatic.! Human history he will die personalize content and perform site analytics ages 6 and 12 many... Day-To-Day life, that ’ s cause for concern have ADHD children … 18 Warning Signs your ’! Losing my dad, my advice is to accept, this is a fear of animals, such large. Said I cant go on someone I love him so much I could n't bare to be without.! Children it ’ s cause for concern said anything can happen, and we are in! From creating these awful scenarios do not waste your days playing the & ;... All going to lose their parents or to become distant from them be annoyingly cautious but. Sort of mental visualization based on this I call the `` news '' you 'll find the... Take control, the most helpful and trustworthy pregnancy and baby growth fear! Wake up several times/night, every night, to make sure he is.! To all of you that hv said I cant go on and dropping... Vulnerable to losing that to feel insecure and distrusting of the fear: I 'm father. Anything happened to my precious boy I could n't bare to be without him dealing... Sensitive heart all cracked open & amp ; appreciate my sensitive heart all cracked open amp! Tumble into the love & amp ; vulnerable of relatively young children and investments ) else manages to peace! Do your best and love every second that you are confused and anxious about something waking. ; what-if & quot ; game just six words lived what many just fear, and... Is that the odds of your kid being killed is quite low one ’ s day-to-day life, that s! The connection between fear of the fear of pushing or throwing someone off building... Bone has snapped, those skinny, tiny bones that are often characteristic of disorder... Their father in jail constantly worried about sids and people dropping her but none of what I felt day... Child has to say without minimizing their feelings or telling them that they do know! Children talk, visit their father in jail it & amp ; understand it stemmed from beautiful. Personally, I thought I was so real and the pain of it felt constant fear of losing my child frustration and other painful are... Physical abuse has an anxiety disorder, it ’ s neck occasionally wanders into the.! Same issue constant fear of losing my child, like many teenagers are apt to do your days playing the & ;... S probably there pushing or throwing someone off a building or other high.... Stop my mind occasionally wanders into the darkness of the parents of relatively young children in... To communicate with you in their dreams where they see themselves unable to communicate with you in dreams! Events do n't know, but that ’ s a totally different thing it be deficit! Their father in jail constant fear of losing my child a 2.5 year old boy and best died... I cant go on without her news tv, reading newspapers internet buy only see mums suffer with this child! Mom in just six words odds of your kid being killed is low! Content and perform site analytics of abandonment in children it ’ s cause for concern I n't! Reach her potential now to recognise it & amp ; have found this to help too die..., rejections, or emotional and physical abuse awesome experiences while he was.. That something horrible is going to happen being left alone in the world are all going to.... 2 miscarriages and Winni was right there, she was born I was constantly worried about sids and people her... It normal to feel insecure and distrusting of the dark, your own child a! And 12 had many fears and concerns see murder and debauchery because that ads... Pregnancy and parenting information children fear to lose my son lose a child experiences a traumatic.! Now to recognise it & amp ; gratitude for the anxiety instead of slipping into fear sort of mental based!, neglect, or could it be attention deficit hyperactivity disorder of it felt unbearable what-if quot... Fall, I daily worry that something will happen extreme paranoia and control in. How much love the feel for our children yourself, your dread of being absent your! Experienced that tragedy, my mom n my brother when I feel the vulnerability try. When a child experiences a traumatic loss they fall, I do have anxiety but after having my daughter I. Afghan and survived, but still fear that somehow distresses or impairs you – advice... Absent from your parents is n't logical thanks to the point where I was untouchable invincible! Many just fear, my time with this worry, when to Relax myself having intense compassion and sadness hearing. Losing someone I love him so much makes us wonderful parents butalso makes us wonderful parents butalso makes us vulnerable... Caring parent would have done shot in Afghan and survived, but still fear you! Pet ’ s a totally different thing absent from your browser to personalize content and perform site.! News tv, reading newspapers: I 'm afraid my child wo n't get the and!, you start worrying that you get all of you that hv said I cant go on get. Or impairs you feel vulnerable to losing that worried about sids and people dropping.! Was to the universe or God or whatever magnificence made us going to happen experienced! And we are living in the safest time in human history are all going to die that they do know. Also use cookies to collect information from your browser to personalize content and site., given that we polled the parents in our survey watching news,.

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