I’m finding that the more I bring to surface my fear of losing another child and talk about it, the less power the fear holds over me. For adults, fear of death is universal, but young children are exposed to realities of death only infrequently and are often shielded from it by parents. In some cases, if a person’s anxiety is severe, a doctor may prescribe anti-anxiety medications or antidepressants. I actually used biofeedback when I got pregnant following my stillbirth. But, we know we can’t. And, fear just seems to take over. She has a happy marriage and two beautiful little girls. I introduced him to your site and I hope he draws comfort from your words in the days and months ahead as I have and still do. Thanks so much for your comment and for sharing your heart! It is amazing to me how much I worry about him since my oldest son died. Encourage the child to express their feelings, and react to those feelings in a neutral and nonjudgmental way. If this just don’t hit the nail on the head. And, it helps tremendously to know He is in control — always. And, I panic some more until I hear from them. I pray real hard when my thoughts get going on that path. It usually starts in childhood but can begin in adulthood as well. Abandonment issues arise when an individual has a strong fear of losing loved ones. It’s so difficult to “let go of some of the fear” — yet for sanity’s sake, we know we must. Although it is less common, abandonment issues can also sometimes begin in adulthood. With the recognition that death will eventually affect everyone, and that it is permanent and irreversible, the normal worry about the possible death of family members – or even their own death – can intensify. Parents, does this fear of losing another child ever go away? The loss often stems from a trauma, such as a death or divorce. We want to try again, and as much as I want to I just cant get those thoughts out of my head “what if it happens again” I never thought I would be on this journey. We live day in and day out with the fear of losing another child. It is SO SCARY though. They flipped out on me. I was almost sixteen when my sister died, and when I turned eighteen I wanted to go to college. When my oldest was 18 months old, I clearly remember breaking down in tears for fear I would lose him. I have not slept through the night in years. Yes, it does get a bit easier and the pain definitely isn’t always this raw, but it takes time……and more time……and even more time. Each of those things could claim their lives more easily then the child I lost. In this article, learn about hypervigilance. What a beautiful thought to know that your Claire and his Ben are now together watching over both of you. In the situation where a child loses his or her parent early on, it can have a lifetime effect of anxiety over the possibility of losing anyone else. You have described me completely. You have no idea how much it breaks my heart to hear of things like you’ve had to endure. I am 22 and have lost 2 daughters in the past 4 years, i have 1 living son hes 2 yrs old, and i worry everyday and night that something will happen and i will lose him too. I do believe that as long as I am alive I will never stop from being protective of my son and I am ok with that. A fear of abandonment is a form of anxiety. It’s all the fear trying to find it’s way out. You may be afraid of the dark, being left alone, being around new people or getting hurt. I lost Robbie 2 months ago. Our living children need us to be parents — not hovering over and keeping them from spreading their wings and tasting the deliciousness of life. I lost my daughter 1 1/2 years ago, she was 36 and my son is 40 and believe me I will continue to worry, I really thought I was crazy for worrying about a grown man but boy do I, I do think if it happened once it can happen again, I try to keep busy but my daughter and son are always on my mind, 24/7. In the situation where a child loses his or her parent early on, it can have a lifetime effect of anxiety over the possibility of losing anyone else. My daughter who passed is my angel who keeps over her brother and I believe this and relieves some pressure but the loss of one child is so painful and keeps a hole in my heart from healing. But then I’m afraid if I dwell on it I will never let them grow up and live their lives. When I arrived home from work on the day of her birthday she met me at the door holding her drivers license. An extreme fear of dying or losing loved ones could be a sign of an anxiety disorder. I feel like I’m only at ease when I’m home and my children are home. I had a long conversation with my husband and told him that she was not ready but that I would double my efforts to teach her. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your son and your nephew. You’re so right — none of this should happen! Neither should have happened. I wish we could keep our kids by our sides forever!!! It happened once, it could happen again. Is there a link between ocean pollution and damage to human health? Please. People tell me to not loose hope but I fear every single day. We want to hope and trust in life again, yet…….that nagging fear seems to always cast its horrible shadow over us. By sharing, we learn and are encouraged. I don’t know how to control it. Fears of abandonment and engulfment—and, ultimately, a fear of loss—is at the heart of a fear of intimacy for many people, and these two fears may often coexist. The names of specific phobias are often formed as nonce words, or words coined for a single occasion only. She was 18. Even after Michael was born, I was so overprotective. It is now twenty-five years since the death of Samuel and I sincerely wish that I could tell you that all of my fear is gone. “Dear God, please don’t ever take one of my children away. It’s hard to let go of this fear because I don’t want to go on with my life and then have it happen again. To deal with the intense fear of being alone, they may whine and cry, never wanting to leave their parents’ side. Killing a loved one (i.e., stabbing, shooting, suffocating, or poisoning). I work come home and wait to do it all over again.. My youngest grandson will never know me the way my older grandsons did. However, mental health professionals will typically recognize when a person is showing symptoms of anxiety due to feelings of abandonment in childhood or adulthood. He lives away from me and I can’t drive to his apartment. 5/18/2010–4/26/2013 Coming upon the 1 yr anniversary. I’m so very, very sorry for the loss of you two daughters and pray a long, healthy life for Jesse! Some individuals continue to fear abandonment as they grow older. I so understand how everyone feels about over protection for the children we have here on earth. When my sister finally had her kids the fear of losing them came over me so hard. And, I’m so afraid. I want to hold on to her and not let her go. Is it possible for your daughter to move? What are the causes and triggers? The fact that I could lose them is paralyzing sometimes. We worry continuously — never do we rest peacefully for fear of getting another phone call hearing the most dreaded of all words, “I’m so sorry.”. Every day I always pray over this blog and my FB page asking God to help me find the words to help. Samuel Frank Comstive. She used to say “if Michael grows up” -instead of “when Michael grows up”. And I didn’t have anything to do with Trevor’s death. I worry about it all the time. People who have a history of trauma or childhood loss may also wish to speak to a doctor or mental health professional if they have not addressed these experiences before. Losing a child, under any circumstance, must be the greatest hurt that can be inflicted on a parent. Any medical information published on this website is not intended as a substitute for informed medical advice and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional, How to help someone with abandonment issues, Concerning increase in infant health inequality over the past decade, Study finds no evidence that vegan diet benefits specific blood type. Thoughts like that become our only peace. Basically smothering her out of my own fear. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your son. He strangled in his baby swing at daycare. The fear of failure can be seen in those who procrastinatein taking steps toward things like new careers, education, or starting a relationship. One important thing to remember is that virtually any object can become a fear object. I pray I will never get another call like that again, but pretend what I would do and how I would feel if I did. As such, a doctor cannot diagnose a person as having abandonment issues. Thank you. It can be deeply rooted in a traumatic experience you had as a child … There is actually a name for this kind of fear that overwhelms you. Have you been able to make use of all the experiences that have come your way? I did tell him (he is an adult as was my oldest son) that this is the new normal and that we will worry about him more than we should. This caused quite a row between my husband and myself. Jill, Having delivered a stillborn baby, I can identify with your fears. Donna, I “get it” — I really do. Worry isn’t good for us and it will definitely not be food for you when you get pregnant. Parents, does this fear of losing another child ever go away? My family sees me as over protective and at times gets very angry. Why do we complicate life even more? I’m so very sorry for the loss of your son. I still point out driving errors to my son, but mostly because I drive for a living and with all my experience I don’t want him making mistakes. This conversation took place 1 week before her 16th birthday. Clara, I want to thank you so much for your site and the words you share with us. In fact, I had a full scholarship to further my education making me about the happiest person alive! I want him to show better driving skills so I won’t worry. That gives me some peace of mind. Having inadequate coping resources pre … It’s easy to say those words, yet so very hard to do! This is our beginning……. They may do this through play therapy, art therapy, or family therapy. Our innocence of life is stripped away when we lose a child! They had such a fear of losing me. The police told her that the guy that done the shooting was mad at his girlfriend and had shot at the wrong apartment. “Dear God, please don’t ever take one of my children away. Individuals should seek help if they believe that they or a child for whom they care is experiencing abandonment issues. Because parents realize the extent of a child's fear of losing a parent, parents sometimes take precautionary steps, such as avoiding both parents' travelling on the same airplane or designating someone to care for a surviving child. I lost my son and 10 years later my nephew. The fear of failure is often hidden behind the reasoning of why you shouldn’t take that step forwa… Psychologists are trained to help people better handle the fear, guilt or anxiety that can be associated with the death of a loved one. This article sums up pretty much exactly how I feel. The timing was perfect. As all parents do we made many sacrifices for our wonderful talented smart children. Not sure I will worry less about her, but it reminded me to keep some of my fears to myself. addressing negative thoughts when they arise and replacing them with more realistic ones, practicing self-care, including exercising regularly, eating healthfully, reducing stress, and getting enough sleep, staying connected to others by building a solid friendship group and getting involved in the wider community, making time for hobbies and enjoyable activities, both alone and with others, returning to therapy if old patterns begin to emerge again. READ. In children, a fear of abandonment may manifest itself in the following ways: In severe cases, such as those in which a child has experienced the loss of a parent or caregiver, they may develop unhealthy ways of coping, such as: In adopted children, research indicates that the child may experience the following due to feeling abandoned: Abandonment issues arise from the loss of a loved one, such as a parent, caregiver, or romantic partner. 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